This past week, a report released by the government on its investigations into the culpability of the government in the Benghazi attacks exonerated the government of any malfeasance. Then, the government went to have brunch and a manicure.
“Look, people die every day,” the government said in between bites of omelet, “I know it’s a cliché, but it’s true. Literally. The odds of having a day when no one dies is, like, one in a bazillion. We’re all going to die one day, so what’s the point of dwelling on it? Better to live each day with no regrets, I say. You won’t find me standing in line at the Post Office on my last day on Earth. That’s why I’m glad to get this whole Benghazi downer in the past, you know?”
Some people, however, are not so ready to move on. A new anti-government movement called the Neo-Tea Party(NTP) is on the rise, and the group’s formation traces back to September 11th, 2012. The group’s mission is simple: to bring an end to “the conspiracy of government.”
“Government is nothing but a scam,” Bob Obibov, a NTP leader explained, “You pay big money and you get nothing in return. Benghazi was a perfect example. Where did all the money earmarked for security really go to? To buy iPhones? Forget Occupy Wall Street. We need to occupy D.C. until the truth about deficit spending is exposed and government is finally forced to go broke.”
When asked to clarify his remarks, Mr. Obibov replied, “Who pays the government’s salary? We do. It works for us, the taxpayer. And we don’t want to be killed by Al-Qaeda terrorists. The government doesn’t get it. And it never will.”
When asked to re-clarify his remarks, Mr. Obibov said, “I can’t possibly be any clearer.” and stomped off in a huff.
Update: On Sunday morning, the government ate a BLT, watched the Golf Channel, then fell asleep on the sofa.
2nd Update: On Sunday night, Mr. Obibov released a statement condemning the judiciary system and calling for the impeachment of government.
Note: Some elements of this blog post are transparent lies. Thus, comedy.