Is Hillary (Clinton) Inevitable

Standard

Yes, it’s May 2014, and that means it’s only two and a half years until election day 2016. It seems like only yesterday that it was election day 2012. But as my grandmother used to say, time flies when you’re unemployed. (Not me. I have a job. But a high unemployment rate sure seems to chew up the ol’ timeline.) So, here once again we find ourselves confronted with the unavoidable question: Is Hillary inevitable?

A fair query. I mean, it must be. Look at all the people asking it. (See this article and this article and this article and this article and this article etc. etc. et al.) Well, let me try to answer this quandary in two different fashions.

First of all, no.

Secondly, to put the previous explanation in much greater detail (a feat requiring a great amount knowledge in the fields of political science, statistics, algebra, feminist studies and post-modern media trigonometry), I shall start by positing the theory that 2 + 2 = 5 (bear with me here.) Thusly, I have established an alternate universe in which statistics lie rather than tell the truth. What does this prove? If you consider such a universe, you’d conclude that no one would be able to predict the future through statistical analysis because the numbers would always tell the wrong story. Therefore, ipso facto, in a universe where two and two add up to the correct number (four if you’ve already forgotten. you’re welcome), you can always predict what is going to happen. Now, this doesn’t prove that we live in the correct universe (after all, math is not the boss, the mathmetician is.) However, that is why political correctness exists, to bring us in line with the perfectly predictable universe where all predictions are true. This creates a powerful incentive for the spacetime continuum to straighten itself out and power us into the ppoper dimension where Hillary Clinton not only is the Democratic nominee but always has been.

I know this is a tricky concept to wrap one’s head around, but that’s alright. You can take your time–although not too much time, because 2016 is right around the corner.

Advertisements

Enter your comment here for a chance to win a reply!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s