The Top Ten Funniest Things About the 2012 Presidential Race


The late, great Molly Ivins once said about politics that you can laugh or you can cry, but crying feels better. Thus, I present a (semi-)comic overview of the past year in presidential politics.

10) Rick Santorum. When your two qualifications for the office of the President of the United States are “not Mitt Romney” and “not completely inarticulate”, you are going to have a tough road to hoe. Though, the funniest thing about Santorum’s candidacy is that he will most likely be the Republican front runner in 2016 if Romney loses.

9) The “You Didn’t Build It” Theme. It’s one thing to spin the words of your opponent during a political campaign. It’s a whole other thing to take your opponent’s quote out context and use it as the theme of your convention. It makes me wonder what themes were rejected. (Obama is a weirdo! Tax cuts and tax cuts and tax cuts!)

8) Bill Clinton’s Economy Excuse. The fact-checking of politics is fast becoming a joke. Things are being labelled false that are true. Things that are true are being labelled (at least partially) false. Arguably the most absurd example of this was Bill Clinton’s assertion that no one could have fixed the economy in four years given the damage done. The reality is that more than one economist layed out a plan that would have put us back to full employment by now. But who takes economists seriously?

7) Newt Gingrich. Was he a real, bona-fee-day candidate for awhile? I had to go back and look it up to make sure . . . .

6) The Ryan Budget. Paul Ryan has a plan to fix everything. It just needs a little bit of . . . quantity. Seriously, if Paul Ryan worked for a Fortune 500 company and submitted what he terms a budget to the executives of said company, he’d be immediately fired, because only politicans can get away with proposing a budget that is missing half of the numbers required in a real budget.

5) The “War on Women” Meme. Apparently it is still quite a shock to the Democrats that some (many!) women vote for Republicans. Why it’s almost as if women are just as capable as men of having opinions you don’t agree with!

4) Donald Trump. First he was afraid; he was petrified. But he knew the world needed to know when Obama came to be alive. He’s got tons of money for truth, and one big life to sleuth. He will surprise. Oh he will surprise you, baby. Yeah yeah!

3) Joe Biden. I have nothing to say about Joe. You just need to listen to him talk. (Although one caveat, if I’d had to debate Paul Ryan, I don’t think I’d have been able to keep a straight face either. Or avoided being a jerk.)

2) The Debate Moderators. Q: If you were a tree and you fell in a forest and there were no budget for troops to come in and battle the army of woodchucks wreaking havoc, would you be inclined to say that the poor deserved handouts or that they should work harder to become rich people who deserve to pay their fair share of taxes? A: My opponent opposes opposition to the opposite of America. Q: Next question . . .

1) Obama and Romney. Whoever wins, half the country will be rioting in the streets. Because, if there is one thing representative government is about, it is about your guy winning every single time no matter what.

Happy voting everybody!!!

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